Journal Entry

This is a journal entry from February this year. I had just decided that I was going to come to Word Of Life and God was doing amazing things in my heart. It is so humbling to me to read this and see how scared I was to embrace all the new things that were being thrown at me and now to see how God has been along aside me the whole time! God is so good! Anyway, this is pretty hilarious to read but God revealed a lot to me that night. I hope some of it encourages you in your walk with the Lord.

"I watched a DVD called "Indescribable" and I don't think I’ve ever been so humbled in all my life! God is so big....He is so magnificent that my mind can't even fathom! I'm nowhere close to where I should be in my walk with Him, but I'm not where I used to be and I praise Him for that. I can't put into words how excited I am about school! I have no idea how everything is going to play out. I don't know how I’m going to pay for it, or what I’m going to do about school after WOL. I'm completely terrified about school, but I’m excited to go on this adventure with Him at the same time. I know it's going to be rough, because I know He is going to stretch me......and stretching hurts, it's uncomfortable. But I've never wanted something so bad in my life. All I want is to be transformed into the woman of God that He created me to be. I want to learn how to love people like I should and I want to learn to be selfless and servant hearted like Him. But most of all I want to learn how to tell people about Him. I want to care for people so deeply that I won't let the fear of rejection keep me from telling them about the only thing that matters in this life. I dream about being someone strong like Esther or Elisabeth Elliot and I get encouraged. But then I am so quick to buy into the lies of the devil that I could never be good enough to do something great for God. Part of that statement is true...I never can be good enough. I'll never be perfect, but praise God that He uses broken vessels like you and me to tell people about Him. What a privilege that He uses people like me to teach His little children and sing praises unto His name??! 

   I’ve been reading a book called “Crazy Love”  and this last chapter I read was about giving your leftovers to God. I can’t tell you how painful it is for me to admit that I do this on a regular basis. Every morning that I refuse to get up early to have my devotions before my day starts, and instead I mumble a 3 minute prayer before I go to bed and say   “ Tomorrow I really will get up! I promise, I promise I’ll spend time with you.” I guess I’m writing this because I just want you guys to try and understand something with me if you haven’t already. We are so small, we are so insignificant on this earth. This life is not about us! It’s not about me! It’s about Him! It’s all about Him, every breath I take is about Him. And I have to get it into my mind that I’m not the star here. But the cool thing that humbles me so much, is that even though we are so small and insignificant….He wants, He longs, He waits for us to accept His love and enter into a relationship with Him. The God of the universe!!! The God who sent His only Son to be nailed to a cross for my sin! He longs for me to talk to Him, to love Him and to love His people enough to tell them about Him. He is jealous for me. He can’t take His eyes off of me. He loves me so much I can’t even fathom it. Unconditional love, love that I’ve never experienced and never will experience in my lifetime. None can compare to His great love and mercy. "