What Do You Want?

Wow... Its been a long time since I've written, I don't even know where to begin. Tonight I'm just going to focus on what God has been doing in my life the past few days. I literally feel as if  He has turned my life upside down. I realize that I have just been living in some fantasy world, trying to become my own idea of a good Christian woman. I have been so used to getting fed the Word of God and always living inside my comfort zone that I have just become what a friend of mine calls " fat & happy ".  I think that I am close to God and that i'm doing just fine in my walk with Him, when in all reality I am just a wretched sinner saved by God's grace. I am nothing without Him. I think as Christians we get into this mindset that nothing bad should ever happen to us, and that death and suffering should just pass us by. Why? THAT'S LIFE!!! That is reality! People are hurting and suffering and dying and going to hell! How can we walk around and talk about hair and cars and football?! Even when I thought I was being "spiritual" I was so far from it! I feel like God is just saying to me "Autumn, everything you thought this life was about.....its not. You're missing it! I am so much bigger than all of this.....you are so small and I have such big plans for you! Open your eyes!" I feel as if He has just wiped my slate clean and everything that I was living for yesterday doesn't even matter anymore. I'm starting to wonder was I just fooling myself? What have I been spending all my time on?! My life is not my own! It's His! I find myself just asking tonight..... God what do You want from me? Teach me what this is all really about...help me not to shy away from reality just because i'm not comfortable with it. Take me as clay, and start me over. Mold me into what You intended me to be all along.